What's It Gonna Be?

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I want to teach my child to: Play fair.
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The caramel apple martini was yummy! All of the half that I drank! I don't know why but I couldn't even finish it after all that anticipation. Oh well. The girls' night in was fun. It was sandwiched in between going to the Penny-Arcade Expo. For those of you unfamiliar, that's a game convention; video games, tabletop games, card games, etc. I played in the Halo tournament with my team and we lost. But it was fun. And I was one of only a few females out of the 2000+ guys that went. So I spent Saturday day at PAX, Saturday night with the girls, then back to PAX on Sunday. Exhausting.

I think I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I'm growing up. I feel like there are imaginary arms pulling me at the waist as I cling to a metal pole as hard as I can. I started to think about the very real possibility that next year I'll be 9 months pregnant, or fresh out of labor when the next PAX comes to town. I was slightly depressed that I may not be able to go, or if I go, I'll stick out like a sore thumb. I mean I already did stick out because I was a girl, but that was okay. Being pregnant playing Halo might be a hilarious sight. It might actually be a little disturbing. But really I'm just a normal girl who likes to play video games. I hope I don't have to stop being me just because I'll be having a baby. I feel like I need to decide what I'm gonna be. Full-on mom that never has fun, or Emily, mom, girl gamer, chef, athlete, musician, gardener, writer. I vote for the latter. Is that okay?

One More For The Road

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I want to teach my child to: Love
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AF has left the building. But no being risky this week. I've promised myself a Caramel Apple Martini at this weekend's Girls' Night In. Mmm. I was getting a little sad there for a bit about the large collection of alcohol stacked in our kitchen. I guess that's a sign of how much we drink. We buy stuff because it looks good and then it sits there looking good indefinitely. Anyway, when I realized there was a minute chance I could be pregnant, I had to emotionally disconnect myself from alcohol. I was just starting to get into the whole martini bit, too. I really have zero knowledge of mixed drinks. I'm embarrassed to go into a bar and order anything because I'm such a know-nothing. I finally had to look up some recipes online so I could make something. I think it's totally weird that they say 1 beer= 1 shot = 1 glass of wine. Those cocktails have like 3-6 shots in them. How people can have three or four cocktails in a sitting is beyond me. I guess I'll leave the measuring to the bartenders.

I suppose this weekend doesn't have to be my last hurrah, after all, we're not officially trying to conceive until mid-October, but I also want to be nice and healthy for that time. I'm trying to kick my butt into gear and start lap swimming up again. That's absolutely the best exercise ever. I sleep like a baby after swimming, well more like a teenager, because babies don't sleep through the night usually. It tones all your muscles and increases lung capacity. And you get to swim in the same pool with some serious athletes, some of which are beautifully chiseled (for the women out there, and the gay men). I can't say I look all that hot in a bathing suit. I miss my bikini days. I still maintain my pledge to someday have a six-pack. Someday=years from now.

The Magic Pill

When I first went on the birth control pill a few years ago, my first thought was, "Yay, no more zits!!" My second was, "Yay, bigger breasts!!!" My third was, "Yay, I'll gain 80 pounds!!" No, wait. That doesn't sound right. Why the heck did I gain 80 pounds then? Let's see. Put the pill in my mouth. The next morning I could feel my breasts growing. That's the last thing I remember, the rest is a blur. I think I was so distracted by the new found cleavage that I neglected to look past them at my ever-growing gut.

Once I came around to admitting the truth, that I had increased my weight by 50% in just over a year, I knew what the cause was and the decision was easy. No more pills. So I stopped, the zits came back, my breasts shrunk, and I lost 70 pounds. Unfortunately, not overnight. Over many nights and days of hard work. My periods before the pill were normal and bearable. My periods on the pill were virtually nothing. I got so used to that that the period after I stopped the pill, I was in for a rude awakening. I knew for sure I was fertile because it felt like my whole uterus was falling out. I'm not sure what kind of pain this might compare to for a man, perhaps imagine one of your testes descending down your urethra? Hmm, I'll have to think about that. Anyway, there's a lot of tissue trying to squeeze out of a very small opening, that being the cervix. The only thing I can compare the uterine lining to is thick grape jelly. I wonder how many people will look at grape jelly differently now. The point is, I've never had periods as bad as since I stopped the pill. I don't know what changed, but whatever changed, it did so big time.

I guess the good news is, I only have 2 left! Nick went to the store yesterday and had to buy some pads for me. What a great guy. That's worse than holding a purse, I would imagine. He didn't complain or anything. I suppose when you're married, there's no need to worry about embarrassing yourself in public. If anything, any women who sees my husband stocking up on pads will be thinking, "If only I could train my husband to do that!" I am lucky, and I know it. I realized that these were likely the last pads I would need for many months. At least that's what I'm hoping. It was a little sad in a weird way. It's like I'm saying goodbye to me as I know it. The me that reliably gets her period every 28-30 days, suffers for 5, then goes back to normal. That's the pattern I know. But I'm willing for change. Change is starting the pill, stopping the pill. Change is not having your period for nine plus months. Change is good, change is exciting. Change is getting something back for giving something up. Sometimes what you get back is greater than what you give. Change is having a baby.

Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Nervous About Being Pregnant

10) Once it's done, there's no going back!
9) Vomiting in public, for that matter, vomiting in private
8) Peeing every 10 minutes, regardless of whether or not there's a bathroom around
7) Walking around knowing everyone knows you had sex
6) Having to master the art of karate just to keep people from unsolicited belly rubbing
5) Needing a tow truck to yank me off the couch
4) Not seeing my feet
3) Taking an hour to get comfortable in bed just to be kicked awake again
2) Hands reaching up there once a week to poke around
1) Having to push the thing out eventually

Unwelcome Guest

Well, AF arrived and unpacked her bags late yesterday, as I thought she might. I'm not going to miss her when she does eventually leave for nine months plus. Granted I'll be trading her for a brand new host of physical challenges typical of pregnancy. Nick is relieved in a way, but he showed all the signs of paternal excitement. For instance, he lost his composure and informed everyone at a wedding rehearsal dinner that I was late! Now, usually I'm the one who gabs and gabs about everything to everyone, but even I was maintaining some self-control. So I had the pleasure of informing people that we were likely not pregnant, but we couldn't say for sure. Everyone wants it so bad, though, I hate to disappoint them! They give you "the look", and I can't really blame them. It is exciting in the not-knowing phase. I would do the same thing to my friends.

AF wasn't really late per say, but with the added spotting on Thursday morning, and then nothing until yesterday, it was awfully suspicious to me. It still makes me wonder because I have heard stories of women continuing their period as normal after conception. I highly doubt that's my case but the little 'ifs' still pervade!

Meanwhile, we've decided that we can officially start trying after my last period which starts in mid-October. Ovulation will be around November 1st. So we're trying a little earlier than we originally planned, but that's okay, because it will give us some time to spare if we don't conceive right away. Soooo, I've only got 2 more periods after this one! That is just amazing for a woman to get to that point after 16 years of having periods every month without fail, to realize you're actually going to use your body for what it's designed for. Your body has been providing you with the opportunity to conceive since, in my case, age 12, just on the off chance you might get fertilized. How convenient it would be if we could just turn that function on when we needed it. Alas, our bodies think they know better!

AF, Where Are You?

For those of you who don't know, AF stands for Aunt Flow, or period. She knocked on my door yesterday and left. I'm getting suspicious because I typically don't get spotting like that without a raging river of blood within hours. But yesterday morning I had pink tinged discharge and then nothing the rest of the day, as well as nothing this morning. Technically, I'm 12 dpo (days past ovulation) today, yesterday would have been 11 dpo. Egg implantation typically occurs 7-10 dpo, so I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility. Another thing not out of the realm of possibility is that I'm officially losing my mind. In all likelihood, I'll get up to do something today and suddenly feel a warm blob makes its way out. Hey, I warned you this was going to be honest, didn't I?

But I tell ya. When you haven't been exactly 100% safe, you tend to get all worked up about little things that may or may not mean a darn thing. "Oh my God, my boobs have grown." "Oh my gosh, I think I was a little queasy there for a sec." "Oh my heavens, I think I felt a kick!" Ok, so I'm not that bad. You get the point, though. And poor Nick. He's been going back and forth: "Could you be? Nah, of course not. Wait...could you be??" All the while sporting a slight smile. I think he likes the idea of being a daddy, but he's not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so I usually have to pry stuff like this out of him. And we'd be right to be slightly concerned if we got pregnant now. It would mean a May baby, a month before he graduates with his MBA, and likely pretty darn close to finals. But on the bright side, baby and I would be able to keep him company while he studies at all hours of the night! And I'm sure he'd appreciate that! ;)

These are our kittens! Pepper is the boy on the left, and Cotton is the Siamese on the right. She has blue eyes! We found Pepper under our truck about a year ago. He's got a motor function problem with his back end. The vet thinks his mom had dystemper when she was pregnant with him and it affected the development of his ability to control his back half. Poor little guy falls down all the time! But he compensates and when he wants to go fast, he bounces on his two back feet like Tigger! They are both about 1 year old. 

Picture Crazy!

Ok, so I think I got that out of my system. I had to upload some pics for my friends on the board so they could know what I look like!

Don't worry I won't do that many at once from now on...except for....

Nick and I 

Me 

Here I am putting my make-up on before the wedding. 

This is my husband Nick and me the morning after being married, on the lawn where the ceremony took place! 

Babies, Babies, Babies

I have officially been obsessed with all things baby for the past couple weeks. I think it's my way of getting myself mentally prepared for it! Our official "trying to conceive" month is going to be November, if I can wait that long! It feels very far away! But it's not really. Our goal is to have the baby by September of next year. At least that's my goal. Maybe it's because I'm a September baby. Having it too close to Nick's graduation in June might risk us having no insurance coverage if I stop working before he gets a job. Not good! So we're being cautious as to timing, but there's no guarantee we'll conceive on the first cycle of trying either.

I've started charting my basal body temperature in the morning and tracking it on a chart to follow temp spikes with ovulation, just to get the hang of it and a better understanding of my cycles. So far I appear normal! Nick has actually been excitedly participating in the charting! I think getting a headstart talking about it has helped both of us, especially him, to accept the reality of it happening so soon. I want him to feel included in the process and understand what's going on with my body. I do want to be surprised but I think it's more important to know what's happening to my body and if it doesn't happen, we just might be able to pinpoint why so we can adjust for the next cycle of trying. After all, an egg only lasts 24 hours!

I just realized how absolutely strange it is that I may only have 3 periods left before conceiving! I can't believe it! Either the next couple months will fly by, or crawl by. I hope they fly! I think...

Read at Your Own Risk!

Welcome to Nick and Emily's public baby blog! If you're wondering, there's no baby yet. We started this blog a bit early to capture the months before, during and after pregnancy. We reserve the right to be graphic, illustrative, candid, and honest during this process, and we can't worry how that will affect people or we wouldn't write anything. The disclaimer aside, we hope you enjoy following us through this wonderful journey and hope to bring you moments from our lives that make you smile!