The Magic Pill

When I first went on the birth control pill a few years ago, my first thought was, "Yay, no more zits!!" My second was, "Yay, bigger breasts!!!" My third was, "Yay, I'll gain 80 pounds!!" No, wait. That doesn't sound right. Why the heck did I gain 80 pounds then? Let's see. Put the pill in my mouth. The next morning I could feel my breasts growing. That's the last thing I remember, the rest is a blur. I think I was so distracted by the new found cleavage that I neglected to look past them at my ever-growing gut.

Once I came around to admitting the truth, that I had increased my weight by 50% in just over a year, I knew what the cause was and the decision was easy. No more pills. So I stopped, the zits came back, my breasts shrunk, and I lost 70 pounds. Unfortunately, not overnight. Over many nights and days of hard work. My periods before the pill were normal and bearable. My periods on the pill were virtually nothing. I got so used to that that the period after I stopped the pill, I was in for a rude awakening. I knew for sure I was fertile because it felt like my whole uterus was falling out. I'm not sure what kind of pain this might compare to for a man, perhaps imagine one of your testes descending down your urethra? Hmm, I'll have to think about that. Anyway, there's a lot of tissue trying to squeeze out of a very small opening, that being the cervix. The only thing I can compare the uterine lining to is thick grape jelly. I wonder how many people will look at grape jelly differently now. The point is, I've never had periods as bad as since I stopped the pill. I don't know what changed, but whatever changed, it did so big time.

I guess the good news is, I only have 2 left! Nick went to the store yesterday and had to buy some pads for me. What a great guy. That's worse than holding a purse, I would imagine. He didn't complain or anything. I suppose when you're married, there's no need to worry about embarrassing yourself in public. If anything, any women who sees my husband stocking up on pads will be thinking, "If only I could train my husband to do that!" I am lucky, and I know it. I realized that these were likely the last pads I would need for many months. At least that's what I'm hoping. It was a little sad in a weird way. It's like I'm saying goodbye to me as I know it. The me that reliably gets her period every 28-30 days, suffers for 5, then goes back to normal. That's the pattern I know. But I'm willing for change. Change is starting the pill, stopping the pill. Change is not having your period for nine plus months. Change is good, change is exciting. Change is getting something back for giving something up. Sometimes what you get back is greater than what you give. Change is having a baby.