Don't Want To Know? Don't Ask.

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I would like to teach my child to: garden
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16 weeks, 1 day

If you don't want the truth, don't ask me how I am doing. I am a firm believer in answering that question as honestly as possible. There will be no sugar-coating. The question itself has become such a commonplace habit that people ask it without expecting anything other than, "Fine" or "Great" or "Just dandy". And when they do get something other than that, if they truly don't care what the answer is, they quickly come to regret asking it. You can see the expression on their face change from the let's-pretend-life-is-perfect smile to crap-I-actually-have-to-care-now. It's not that I expect them to counsel me or fix me. In fact, I don't expect anything in return. I just don't feel like lying through my teeth to spare a possibly unpleasant collision with reality.

This is not to say that I am miserable all the time. In fact, I am a mostly happy person. When people ask me how I am doing right now, I tend to run down the list of pregnancy unpleasantries, which may give the impression that I am unhappy. However, this is just what's going on in my life, and happens to dominate my every day existence. I fully accept it as part of the whole process, and as uncomfortable as it may be now, it won't last forever. Of course, I do have days or moments of misery and am susceptible to grumpiness like anyone else. But like every aspect of my life, I use humor to defuse the tension.

I guess what it comes down to is that if you ask me the question, you can count on an honest answer, and if that answer is "Great", you know I really mean it. How am I? Great! Thanks for asking.

Condescension 101

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I want to teach my child to: be generous
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15 weeks, 4 days

Calling all nice nurses. It's too bad that a few bad apples can spoil the batch. For the most part, I like the medical team that is providing my prenatal care. But every once in a while I get a bad nurse or bedside-mannerless doctor and it really makes me shudder in repulsion. I sometimes wonder if some of these character-challenged people seek out this job specifically to fulfill some twisted desire to put down their iron fist on those who are dependent on their services. Do they really think their holier-than-thou approach will make any of their patients any more likely to seek their help, or follow medical advice?

It also bothers me that these bad apples don't think that some of their patients might actually know more about what's going on with their own bodies and health than the quick glance at my medical charts will provide them. For instance, I have been going over and over the 'whitecoat' hypertension issue with my doctors for years. It never became an issue until I was pregnant...which I can understand. I've been referred to a hypertension specialist ob, and put on meds to control it. Well, I had my first appointment with my regular ob since starting the meds this week. The nurse takes my blood pressure. "Is it normally this high?" Mind you, she asks this before telling me what it registered. So I naturally ask, "How high was it?" "130/88." A big smile creeps over my face, much to the nurse's dismay. "Um, actually, that is reeeeaaally good for me." She apparently hadn't seen the list of blood pressure measurements of the past...let's see, I think it was 164/93 at the last appointment. The nurse looks at me with cynicism and disbelief, clearly disturbed that I laughed so callously at her attempt to scare me. She hobbles and grumbles her way out of the office, pride wounded and no doubt intending on studying up on the charts better next time. Let's hope.

Unfortunately, this is not the only time I've felt the sting of condescension, for instance my hypertension specialist ob did not come across very impressively upon our first meeting. I am trying to get over it because he is the guru of his field and has practically trained all the obs in my clinic, including mine, and as such, he is the one they all refer to. In layman terms, there is no where for me to escape. I actually did complain to my clinic about his bedside manners and my ob said, "Hmm, usually he reserves his brash side for us [residents and obs]." She claimed that patients really "love" him, etc, etc. So perhaps I caught him on a bad day or misunderstood him somehow. Considering he met with me for only 2 minutes out of a 2 hour appointment, it's quite possible. I have chosen to look past it this time because I believe his expertise overrules any distaste I have experienced. And so, I will go to my next appointment with him with a big smile on my face and pretend nothing happened. On the flip side, maybe I should be honored he treated me like a resident. He must have really liked me.