Affording The Unaffordable

22 weeks, 1 day

It's no secret that we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. Nick's a full-time student with no income for the past 2 years, and my income has dropped to below my starting salary level of 5 years ago. We've only managed to survive because of Nick's grandma pitching in with some living expenses and Nick's tuition. We are extremely grateful for that help. Nick will be done with school in 2 weeks, with an MBA and feverishly looking for a new career. It is a delicate process that should be done carefully to avoid making the bigger mistake of settling for a job that isn't worth the 2 years of blood, sweat and tears he went through to find that dream job in the first place.

So why, oh why, did we get pregnant now, you might ask. I guess you can call us optimists. We had it all figured out. I get pregnant, Nick finishes school, gets a job, gets insurance, I quit my job, have baby. It all makes perfect sense. Of course, reality is, Nick is getting anxious about the job situation. I'm a little anxious, too, but I know he'll find something. I am just hoping it happens sooner than later. I really don't relish the thought of having to work to the end of my pregnancy, but if I have to to keep insurance coverage and there aren't any physical reasons why I can't, then that's what must be done. There's always the possibility of not being able to for health reasons, in which case, it will be brutal, but we'll find a way to pay for continuing my insurance coverage. Now, how we'll pay for rent and food and bills is another thing. It's pretty scary how close to homelessness a lot of us are. We've been living paycheck to paycheck for a while and both of us look forward to feeling stable again. Ooh, and the prospect of actually having money to save? Whoa, that's luxury, man.

Another financial element to this dilemma is the baby factor. I have so far resisted tallying up the cost we are about to incur. I look at our baby registry with wide eyes. All of the big ticket items are things we need for baby, there is no debate. Crib, glider, stroller, bassinet. If we don't get those things as gifts, we will be in some seriously deep debt, because as of now, the money needed to buy those things outright does not sit in our bank accounts. Those items are just the tip of the iceberg. Diapers, clothes, toys, etc...all add up. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the burden rests on other people to get us things we need. We chose to get pregnant, not them. So yes, we have to expect to pay for most everything ourselves. Let's just hope Nick's job comes before our money runs out.

I have long since decided that I will not freak out because I don't have the house prepared for baby by the time s/he comes. It is actually quite liberating. For the first few months of baby's life, s/he will be sleeping in a bassinet in our bedroom for easy feeding purposes. So we won't need the baby's room set up to perfection for a while anyway. So I am not going to be that neurotic pregnant woman who tries to paint murals, lay new carpet and hand make all the bedding. It helps that we're in a rental and I don't want to waste my money on improvements that we don't get to keep. We'll do some minor rearranging and cleaning up of our 2nd bedroom, but I'm in no hurry.

It's funny, in my mind, all of these issues seem so far away. When I think of the reality that 4 months from now, we'll have a baby, it truly is hard to imagine. 4 months ago, we were just finding out we were going to have a baby. And how fast those 4 months went!

The Attack Of The Clones

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I want to teach my child to: build sandcastles
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21 weeks, 6 days

Apparently women never stop comparing themselves to other women. It doesn't stop just because you grow up and have a life, not even if you're in a committed relationship or married. You always continue to look at the women in the store, or trace your husband's eyes to the bouncy waitress on the other side of the restaurant. It doesn't even stop when your five months pregnant and know that you have a reason to be fat. You can tell where this is going, can't you?

So I am at Target this weekend, waddling my way around the store, when I realize I am not the only pregnant woman on earth. Apparently, there are other couples who also engaged in wild careless sex this winter. Okay, so ours wasn't exactly careless, it was pretty intentional. But anyway. I know I can't be the only pregnant woman, but what are the chances of bumping into 3-4 others in the same section of a large store like Target...and no, I wasn't in the baby aisle. Hey, I don't mind sharing the spotlight, I actually try to stay out of the spotlight. The thing is, when you're pregnant, it's all about you. I don't mean that I need everyone's attention, but I mean that personally, that's all you can think about, it's all you can do to just deal with what you're going through.

It is comforting to know others are going through similar experiences, though. Had all of us had a chance to sit and talk, we probably would have had a great time. But since we didn't, my mind wandered to other things like, is she in as much discomfort as me, why is she walking so easily, does she sleep at night, she's probably 7 months pregnant and I'm as fat at 5, and do I even look pregnant like they do and not just fat? There's a good chance that they would hate me because I had relatively no morning sickness, though. But I certainly made up for it in other ways.

It is human nature to compare. In all likelihood, they were doing the same thing, too. I can just see it now, once I have the baby, we'll all be comparing strollers, our baby's IQs, and of course, who lost the baby fat the fastest. Will the madness never end?

Oh Boy!! (Or Girl)

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I would like to teach my child to: Be patient
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20 weeks, 0 days

You may have noticed I have changed how far along I am to match my doctor's estimated due date for me instead of the one I have based on ovulation. So now, I go up a week every Wednesday. I guess it gives me something to look forward to mid-week!

Let's see. What's happened since the last post? Oh lots. I am on blood pressure meds and a diuretic now. Fun fun. As if I weren't peeing enough. We had our 2nd ultrasound last Thursday! Everything looks good with baby. Lots of squirming going on in there. I am feeling baby consistently every day. I don't think I could adequately explain the sensation to someone who hasn't been pregnant. All I can say is, it's the coolest feeling in the world. For now anyway. Ask me again in a couple months when there's a foot jammed in my ribs.

As for the gender, had we wanted to find out, we could have last Thursday. Instead, we had the technician put a 'money-shot' picture in an envelope and seal it. Now it sits in our birth notebook, begging to be opened. I think it's torturing everyone else more than us. That's pretty fun, actually. I get the most amazed looks when I say we're not finding out. Seems to be a rarity these days. I did ask the technician if it was definitely a gender, as in no half-and-half. She said, "Yes, no ambiguity." And since then, everyone thinks it's a boy. Very well could be, but it's also very possible to have an unambiguous girl on the ultrasound. We are pulling for a girl, but of course a boy would be fantastic too. Not much of a choice in the matter!

I will try to post a belly pic later tonight. It's funny because I don't feel as big as I look in the pictures. There's no sucking in this gut.